The void that lies within my soul;
The void that I cannot subject to control;
The void I steadily fill with lies;
The void is not leaving, surprise, surprise.
The emptiness I’ve mistaken for my own self-despair,
The feeling of empty – I denied it was there.
So my void grew, with time it thrived,
Suffocating all other emotions that would fight to stay alive.
My love was lost in empty, my sadness in farewell-
And all the time I wished to die, to escape my living hell.
I played the game smoothly, even wore a smile,
As the void I thought would leave grew all the while.
Alcohol became my escape, marijuana my fun,
I let the void grow, but steadily I’d run.
I woke one day – shortly before my last-
And took time to remember my empty past.
What I found filled my with fear,
Because suddenly I realized…I needed the void here.
I so strived for something to blame for my mistakes-
That I filled myself with lies and voids that were fakes.
I blamed my actions on something imaginary inside,
On a dispensable, convenient “thing” I could easily hide.
And it hurt, and I cried, and I thought and I thunk,
In the end I decided to go and get drunk.
It hit me there, it hit me then, the void would always win-
Because, for my drunkenness, I blamed the void again.
And some days later, when cancer of my liver was found,
I searched for friends, but found only emptiness around.
In the end, what I had created and blamed all my life,
Would, ironically, destroy me and relieve my strife.
As my eyes closed and I was filled with fear,
I just relaxed…because, finally, my void, my black…my FRIEND, was here.